Let's go

Dude why the hell am I such an emotional person about stuff.  Why can’t my head ever be on straight and have a clear heading of where I want to be.  I know what I want and where I need to be to get that but my fucking brain always takes shit to the next level.  Why do I care so g-d damn much.  Sometimes I wonder what kind of person I would be without my heart (besides dead).  I could be that “cool” guy.  I could be the guy that everyone wants to hang out with.  I’m everyone’s crying shoulder (and I enjoy it).  I enjoy consoling people and making sure that they are happy and content.  Honestly I wish nothing but happiness for everyone else.

 

My Emotions have been taking me for a ride over the past 72 hours.  I hope my brain shuts up even for just a little while so that I can live life.  I think the whole being by myself is what is getting me the most.  Oh well, you live and learn right?  I don’t mind living by myself but the boredom sometimes really gets to me and causes me to THINK.  Me thinking is a scary thing.

 

Carnival of Madness is tonight.  For some reason I’m not excited at all.  The only reason I’m going is because no one else wanted to go.  Even with a free ticket.  It cool though.  If nothing else I’ll get to enjoy the outside.  Its been a while since I’ve been able to just hang out outside.  I’m sure I’ll blog from there later.  Anywayys back to the old haul.  Only another 2.5 hours and then I’m gone for the day.

 

Thanks,

 

Stephen Cartwright

Ghent Computer, Inc.

Tier 2 Technician

400 W Olney Rd. , Suite E

Norfolk, Va 23507

757-628-8324 ext. 108

757-628-8324 ext. 5 (Help Desk)

 

"Distant faces with no place to go"

I feel so bad for her. She's in a really scary place and her "friends" aren't being much help. We all make mistakes and we have to live and learn from them. You just can't make the same mistake twice.

I'm really happy for Lynda. She's been so much happier since she started talking with Meghan. I was more than willing to help however I could. The thing that sucks though is I don't think Meghan has told Mike yet. Lynda doesn't see an issue with it but I just don't want her to get torn down after we've been working on rebuilding.

I'm kinda upset with myself. I wish that moving on were easy. But then again I'm not trying to rush into anything and hurt the other person. I'm getting there day by day. As Luke says best "You're 21 dude. When I was 21 I wasn't thinking about anything except for how to make it to the next day. You need to live your life for you." And that's what I'm doing. I'm making changes for me. I'm ensuring that above all I'm happy. No matter how much I miss someone to snuggle with or to talk to at any time of day or to be able to hang out and watch movies in my pjs I'm doing this for me. And i'm gonna make it work damn it.

Being the social king though kinda sucks. I love that everyone checks to see what I'm up to but then again I don't know when to say no. So I end up going out when I probably shouldn't have. Part of living though right?

why oh why

why do I constantly check up on her...why do i wonder if shes ok....why can't i move past this...why can't i get over the fact that i'm not for her...why can't I be the man i should be.....why do I feel the need to be loved....why do i have morals....why do i require so damn much affection....why did I put myself in this situation....why do i feel stagnant....why do I want to start crying again...why do i want to tear my wall down again....why do i feel so vulnerable....why can't you just tell me the truth....why couldn't you tell me before...why do i still love you so much....why can't i get you off my head...why does it feel like you are pulling my chain....why do I enjoy talking to you even when you lie through your teeth....why do I want to take your money and shove it up your ass....why do I want to create havoc....why do i want to start fresh...why do i want to move to texas...why do i want to leave what i have here....why do i want to bring everything i have here with me...why do i feel the need to hold someone....why do i need to hug someone....why do i miss your touch on my lips...why oh why

Someday

Someday I'll talk about
One day I'll mention it to you
Someday I'll be over this and strong like you
I am never changing I can feel this way for days and days
Look you straight in the face and fake my smile

Take this hurt away and bring back yesterday
I could say sorry in a thousand ways
You won't let this be without cutting me
can't put this bottle down as I watch this day fade into night

My blessings-My faults
I've learned all the lessons that cannot be taught
any abuses that I've brought
No more excuses-I want a new start

with all our lies there's no wondering why things aren't working anymore
but now I'm feeling fine flying higher-got the chance to start again-Oh

My blessings-My faults
I've learned all the lessons that cannot be taught
any abuses that I've brought
No more excuses-I want a new start

Someday I'll talk about it
one day I'll mention it to you
Someday I've be over this and move on like you
move on like you

I'm ready to go-I'm ready to leave
Why don't you answer the radio
I'm ready to go-Just watch me leave
It's so hard to see when I'm on my way down

So hard to see when I'm on my way
Down

 

Stephen Cartwright

Ghent Computer, Inc.

Tier 2 Technician

400 W Olney Rd. , Suite E

Norfolk, Va 23507

757-628-8324 ext. 108

757-628-8324 ext. 5 (Help Desk)