khaki

I feel as if my social life has grown tremendously since the Alamo. I also can't get her off my mind. Everytime I try but I just can't. I mean I'm surviving but I just want her back. I miss talking to her. Even the simple how is your day going. I wish there was something I could do about. I want to say something to her about it but I'm not sure I should. I don't want it to backfire in my face. But if you want something you've got to go for it.

She made me feel whole. She made me see the bigger picture. She made me grow up.

I want beach so bad. I demand to go tonight. So what if I'm weird for going by myself I want to fucking go! I enjoy watching the waves crash at night. It's calming and reminds me how small I am and how small my problems are. I wish the world was easier but that's life right? I should probably post my thoughts from the other night soon....that's gonna be a long post though. Time for work. Until then....

Weekend recap

so how about a crazy weekend...i haven't done this much in a weekend in a LONG time. ANd had super fun and got a lot of thinking done.

Friday I was supposed to go to dinner with Brittni. It was gonna be nice b/c we haven't seen each other in 4 years but as I figured she ditched me. I hate looking like a g-d damn retard in public. So I also was supposed to go to Cajun Fest with Krissy and Mike. I was otw there when I saw Dave and Matt still sitting outside the building still. Krissy hadn't texted me yet so i figured i would go tell them to go home. Well that turned into going to Press with Dave. It was chill. Had 5 hours of drinking and conversation. Great time.

Saturday was BUSY! I went to the gym first thing in the morning (which was great). I also got my haircut. The creepy lady kept rubbing her vajaja on me but w/e. She did a nice job on my hair. Lynda and I went and got lunch and hung out for the rest of the afternoon and then met matt at the beach. It was chill...played football and soccer for like 4 hours. Then Lynda and I went to the Wave. That was SO MUCH FUN!!!!! Danced my ass off and met some chill kids. Kim was super cool (even though she got a bit drunk) and Carl swears that he is gonna get me dancing on his level. If I start going dancing and the gym throughout the week I'm gonna be a beast. Regardless stay out there till like 3 and then IHOP till 4. It was great though. Lynda and I really connected again. It was nice.

Today so interesting. I woke up at like 11 or so and wanted to go the beach. I had planned a skype study group first thing in the morning tho. Once I finished that I picked up EB (good job posting your plans on FB dumbass) and we went down to the beach. We were there for a couple of hours and then got stuck in the horrid 264W traffic from the interstate buckling on itself. Can it really be that much hotter than last year? What's it gonna be like next year? AHH!!! anyways then we got a call from Habi. He left his phone in NC and needed to go get it. So naturally we said ROAD TRIP!!! After the 3 hour trip down there we got Habi's phone. We then went and hung out on the beach to allow Habi's car some time to chill out. I did a lot of thinking there but that will be in a different post. Anyways rode back up and arrived safe and sound.

I wonder what the wonders of a three day weekend will bring. We shall only see.

Bring it on

IDK I just realized that I didn't go to sleep. I mean I realize that LOTR is interesting but how the fuck did I lose track of that much time. Maybe it's due to my nap yesterday idk. I kicked my ass yesterday. I only worked out for an hour but it was definitely more irritating than I thought. Jessi definitely didn't mention anything about no working out lol. It's all good. I was gonna go this morning but I don't want to tire myself before going to work. I'm probably gonna go after work. Even though I should probably take a day off I can't. It takes my mind off things. If even for a little while.

After talking to Caroline she thinks that I should go for it. I'm not entirely sure that I should right away. I've got to give it time. I mean I want her back but I'm not ready to make myself vulnerable again.

I miss her. I miss the feeling that she gives just when she says hi. I miss feeling her next to me. I miss having someone who I can always count on. I miss looking at her beautiful face. We are so right together.

I mean I have definitely changed with this time off. Realized that I've got stuff that I need to change. Realized that I suffocate people. Realize that I get addicted to anything. Realized that I can live on my own. Realized that I talk to myself a lot. G-d I feel like I'm back in HS blogging everyday. It was nice though. It let me get my feelings and thoughts out when noone else is there.

Loving Pop Evil. They are pretty banging and sure as fuck are musically stating my feelings right now. That homemade video to Stepping Stone really got me.

Thoughts

Can’t stop thinking about it.  I wish that we could at least talk ya know?  It feels like she’s too busy for me now.  Who knows maybe she is but I hope one day we can talk again.  I finally realized something though.  I suffocate people a lot.  It must be that addiction creeping up on me.  I hope that I can show her that I’ve changed.  I definitely feel like I have changed.  For the better definitely.  Just have to figure out the best way to show her.  The bigger issue is going to be grabbing the balls needed to do it.  I’ve gotta stand up for what I want.  I think that Matt put it best.  No one is going to assume the best.  Everyone assumes static processes.  No one will notice dynamic changes unless you show them and put yourself out there.  Just a big step.  Regardless it’s a step that I must make to even have a chance.

 

On a side note the boobies are almost gone.  YAY!  The gym thing is really working for me I think.  Hopefully I’ll go tonight.  I was going to go this am but I was just too damn tired.  It’s nice to be able to see the World Cup games as well.  It’s times like these I wish I had cable.

 

The sea salt thing wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting.  They look so much better afterwards.  I hope that it stops leaking at one point.  Apparently 4-6 weeks is the average.  Can’t wait.  I love them!!!  Mom was kinda freaked when I told her but she was glad that I did something for me.  I’m glad I did something for me.

 

Stephen Cartwright

Ghent Computer, Inc.

Tier 2 Technician

400 W Olney Rd. , Suite E

Norfolk, Va 23507

757-628-8324 ext. 108

757-628-8324 ext. 5 (Help Desk)